C is for Comparison

nowIn this time of Social Distancing where almost everything is seen by everyone, I have to remember that I’m here to offer my gift, as genuinely as I can. That I have been and continue to be taught by some of the most amazing yogis. That I am surrounded by a loving community that lifts me in ways both large and small. I have to remember who I am.

I’m a ten-minute miler, at best.

A pace that isn’t impressive at all especially to my teenage daughter who easily can run a six-minute mile and have gas for more. At the time though, she didn’t know that about herself, neither did I. At the time, we were running on the beach during vacation. All I needed was a “quick” rush of endorphins to start my day and then I could lounge and relax to my heart’s content.
Fast forward a few years to March 2020. An interesting place in time where we find ourselves in uncharted territory. “Social Distancing”, is the phrase that encapsulates our global state of existence. This new normal has forced all of us to SIT DOWN, which politely translates to Stay Home. We have become people who are connecting to each other through cell phones and various other electronic devices. For those who struggle with technology, now is not the time for apprehension. You want to stay connected, you had better figure it out. This includes me.
So, I’ve caught up on IG (Instagram) challenges, impressing people with my strength, (because I can do ten clean push-ups) and flexibility (because my foot can touch my arse while standing upside down on one leg contorted through myself, an image that is equally as difficult to explain in words as it is to physically do).
I have STAYED HOME.

But in all this homebound glory, I have found a less-than-kind side effect, comparison. You see, I am a yoga teacher. Most of my friends are too. I follow them on social media for sure and keep up with them sporadically, but right now, oooooh right now, I feel like they are all running a 5-minute mile pace for an Ultramarathon and my ten-minute cadence has dropped back to twelve. In the chance that you aren’t a runner, twelve minutes may not sound too slow, but in actuality, it’s virtually a walking pace.
Most of the teachers I know are teaching several times a week, through various platforms, to what level of success I do not know. Point is, they are teaching A LOT! These folks are RUNNING the social media get your teachings and your brand out there via IG live, Facebook live, Zoom, Yammer, Google Hangout, race, while I am “patiently” trying to homeschool my son, guiding my daughter through her college courses, imbued the horror of being home with her family instead of “studying” with her friends at school. Being the parent who is home all day with dreams to grow her own business, TaughtXTracey (website coming soon), but feels guilty for the time that is taken away from said dream due to the needs of a child with ADHD.
In this current state, I have begun to compare myself to my friends. And it’s not a mental space that feels productive at all! The thing is, I can’t help it because we are all home and we are all teaching virtually, I see it. Now I know you may be thinking that I can look the other way, but I can’t because I am contributing in the same space by offering up my teachings when time permits as well.

Comparison has led to fear. Fear of not being “good enough”, fear of not knowing enough, (don’t get me started on THAT), fear of putting myself out there in a virtual world where I feel most vulnerable. And so today, in the pit of comparison where fear, shadows, and other demons lie, I reached out to a friend, a non-yogi, who had this advice, “Stay focused on your path and your goals. Run your race at your own pace”. That’s when it clicked. I’M A TEN MINUTE MILER!!!
You see, during that vacation run with my daughter, my lovely child who went out too fast dared to ask how long we were running and ran back and forth to keep moving. On that day, with my slow steady pace, I beat her. Not that we were racing, but I finished our run which was a simple out and back before she did. By the time she got to me, I was already mid-stretch and when I looked up, her face expressed utter confusion. I kindly laughed and explained in the softest of tones, that there will come a day where she will beat me (and it has), but that day was not today, because I’m a runner and I know the value of pacing, the value of staying the course, the value of focus.

I found myself encouraged by the words of my friend and by the memory of that early morning run (I do yoga because I’m super competitive okay)?
In this time of Social Distancing where almost everything is seen by everyone, I have to remember that I’m here to offer my gift, as genuinely as I can. That I have been and continue to be taught by some of the most amazing yogis. That I am surrounded by a loving community that lifts me in ways both large and small. I have to remember who I am. A mother, who values education and is blessed to share this time with her children. A runner, who runs a ten-minute mile and rejoices when she sees a groundhog while hitting the pavement. And a yogi who is starting a business, a business that will flourish, in its own time.

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Tracey is a smart mouthed Virgo who has a love for the beach. This love makes close friends laugh because if she’s not on a board surfing or stand-up paddling, she will just lie there and bask in the sun with a HUGE smile on her face.

Since she can’t spend all of her time at the ocean, she occupies her days by teaching yoga. Tracey has been teaching since 2012 and credits the practice of yoga for allowing her to explore the softer side of life. Her classes incorporate breath, movement, and music in fluid ways that will make you feel like you’re dancing. When not on the mat, in the water, or working out, Tracey can be found eating. She loves quality sourced food and great conversations with those closest to her.

She has found that food allows us to open up just like the practice of yoga or surfing. Tracey currently teaches at Honor Yoga North Brunswick, Fit4ABetterMe, & Johnson & Johnson World Headquarters, virtually of course.